Pregnancy, 9 months, contractions, birth… and finally the long-awaited baby is born! Who does he or she look like? What will be the name? How many centimeters and grams? Dad cuts the umbilical cord, the first bath, dressing, breastfeeding. Everything follows its course.
After three days, the mother and baby go home from the hospital, and suddenly two hesitant adults stand there, looking at this tiny little being – their own child. Suddenly they feel that everything has changed. Nothing will ever be the same again; the carefree days are gone. From now on, there will always be someone who is more important than anything else. They have become responsible for life, for this little baby who sleeps peacefully, completely unaware.
It is a beautiful story, and luckily, in many cases, things do unfold this way. The baby is born, goes home with the parents, and their life together begins. With the first child, however, something quite different also happens – something we often forget.
Not only is a baby born, but at the same moment, a mother and a father are also born – in other words, a family is born!
It would be important to prepare the expectant mother and father for this already during pregnancy, because this process, however natural it may sound, does not always go smoothly.
Psychology even has a name for this state: when a young couple becomes parents, it is called a normative crisis. This means that it is normal that it happens, but at the same time, it is also a crisis – something occurs that brings change to life, and the outcome depends on how we respond to it. Life is full of such normative crises; the birth of the first child is only one of them.
Parents are usually not mentally prepared for what awaits them after the baby’s birth. They are surprised, even ashamed, that they do not feel good right away in this new situation. They are frightened, they feel they do not want this new life after all, but of course, they also do not want to go back, because there is this sweet little one, whom they have loved from the very first moment.
If there were someone to reassure them that what they are going through is normal, everything would be much easier! Like every new situation, this one also takes time to get used to. Everyone has to find their own new place in the family, and their new responsibilities that come with the changed circumstances.
Give yourself time to get used to the new situation. The same is true when a sibling arrives. Things do not need to go easily right away; you do not need to feel instantly happy in the new situation.
Time, time, time and patience – both for yourself and for your partner!